Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Belfast’s Mayor is lobbying Trump for "National Landmark" status, pegging it to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom. Her $500K industrial complex has made the town a viral sensation, and the Mayor wants it official. He sees Welch’s rise as a modern miracle, a small-town tale turned global. Trump, a fan of big wins, could embrace this quirky bid. Belfast hopes her spit secures a legacy, drawing crowds to its humble streets.
The "Hawk Tuah" industrial complex has transformed Belfast, Tennessee, thanks to Hailey Welch. Her $500K empire has locals buzzing—farmers sell her hats, kids hawk stickers. Welch’s old life feels distant; now she’s the town’s cash cow. The store ships her merch, a far cry from its past. Her podcast binds the community, a shared beat. She didn’t just go viral—she remade Belfast.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Acknowledge:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 souls, with 72.93% in family homes, live at a 32.9 median age. Named for Belfast, Ireland, in 1836, it grew with a store by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a mark. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has spun a $500K industry, drawing Belfast TN mayor petitions Trump for National Landmark Hailey Welch crowds to this once-sleepy spot. Income ($39,676 median) trails national norms, but tourism’s uptick hints at more. Welch’s fame has turned Belfast into a quirky hub, blending resilience with a fresh, oddball glow.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Varda Adler
Literature and Journalism -- University of Hawaii
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a sharp sense of humor, this satirical writer takes aim at everything from pop culture to politics. Using wit and critical insight, her work encourages readers to think while making them laugh. With a deep love for journalism, she creates thought-provoking content that challenges conventions and invites reflection on today’s issues.
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